Hope

Humans are funny creatures, we are creatures of habit, we are creatures that remember, we forgive, we love, we hate, we feel. We hope. I always found hope to be the most dangerous feeling of all, for in hope lies the greatest sadness and disappointment or the strongest love and happiness. We hope for better things, a better life, a stronger love, a healed heart. In the weakness of others I hope to be stronger. In the happiness of others I hope not to be jealous.

I will not be weak! I don't know how many times I've told myself this over the years. I will be strong, I'm not like the others. I will not give up. I will not give up hope. That is a very dark place. One I will not visit again, for without hope there is nothing. There is a black hole. We live to hope. That people are good, that things will get better, that love will find us, that we aren't alone. What is weakness, but losing the hope that gives us our dreams, that gives us the will to survive. Hope lives in all of us.

I remember the dark, so much so that I clutch at my chest and will it all away. All of it, the sun scoffing at me with it's warm light, the stars shining like beacons, the moon and her everlasting beauty. And in that darkness I see a face. That smiling face, the one who birthed me and gave me life and I realize how selfish I am. My beacon of light, always there to remind me. 

There was a time in my life I thought the pain would never go away. There was a time when I was alone, no matter how many people, how many friends, I was always alone. And then I met a man, he was kind and gentle and although he had many darknesses and struggles I found I loved this man. I loved his crooked smile and the way he smelled, I loved the toughness and fragility of his heart. But even though I had a great love for him I was unable to save him. But that's not the point of this story, is it? I was not meant to save him, he was meant to save me. My lesson was that I could still love. Although I had lost all hope, although my heart had become hard and calloused, I could still love.

I became stronger. I told myself that no matter the hurt and no matter the pain I would never go to that dark place again. I would never lose that childish hope. The one that believes in fairytales and true love and happy endings. I learned I can only save myself. I can only keep the hope in me and let it shine on others. If I can do the same that one did for me that's all I can hope for. I will never be able to repay the gift that was given to me. My only hope is that I can be a light to someone else. Hope. For the future, for the good things to come, for new adventures, for excitement. I think Hope was the greatest. Love will wait until we find it, but it's the anticipation that Hope brings that we look forward to it when it does find us. Love is hard to find. It's hope that keeps us going. 

So my message to you is always hope. Even in the darkest places there is always a light. Hold onto that light with all your heart! It's that light, that hope, that pulls you through. Never forget hope. Faith, Hope & Love. Hope often gets forgotten between something has strong as faith and as fulfilling as love, but hope is with us when we are going through the hardest of times, when faith and love have abandoned us, hope is there leading the way back. Hope. I will never forget hope.